So Christmas is fast approaching, and knowing that one of my French teachers, before we left, decided to award various members in the class with handmade, French Christmas crackers. What I learnt from this end to our year was in fact that Christmas cracker jokes are terrible in other languages too, but it made me think about what terrible cracker jokes we may encounter in the coming weeks in various Christmas celebrations.
Q: Why are there no jokes about turkey giblets?
A: Because the punchlines are offal.
Q: Why is it getting harder to buy Advent calendars?
A: Because their days are numbered.
Q: How do you know if Santa’s been in your garden shed?
A: You’ve got three extra hoes.
Q:What is green and stands in the corner?
A: A naughty toad.
Q: What do they sing at a snowman’s birthday party?
A: Freeze a jolly good fellow.
Q: How does Jack Frost get to work?
A: By icicle.
Q: Why can’t a bike stand up by itself?
A: Because it’s two-tired.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the football pitch?
A: Because the referee whistled for a fowl.
Q: Why did the chewing-gum cross the road?
A: Because it was stuck to the chicken.
- and one for Obamacare
Q: Why don’t you ever see Santa in hospital?
A: Because he has private elf care.
And there you have it folks, 10 terrible Christmas cracker jokes which you’re welcome to use if you’re going to go and make your own crackers – be on the look-out for these suspects if you get them in your crackers too; I like to think I might have an influence on life! If there are worse jokes you’ve had, why not share them on Twitter or in the comments section below?